From the Desk of Dear L
WWLD Guide #33: How to Get Over a Regrettable Myspace Obsession (pt. 1)
Readers,
I recently received the below from an old friend struggling with that oldest and most disappointing of temptations, the Illogical Myspace Stranger Obsession. This dear girl, having suffered in near silence for months, is finally showing a desire to take the necessary steps for recovery. Please join me in congratulating her and wishing her every success with the prescribed path away from Cyber-stalkerville.
Ever,
L
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Dear L,
Remember the guy from myspace I told you about (last year) that I was feeling particularly guilty over after not speaking to him (after several run ins) and deleting him from my friends list?? Lol… Well, I moved on not long after that conversation and haven’t really thought of him since; but last night, while half-heartedly attempting to study, he randomly popped in my head and the guilt is starting up all over again. God, I just wish I talked to him at least once…but I didn’t and I won’t get that opportunity again (you ever get to the point where you just know something is a “done deal” and the door is closed for good???). Plus, I’m sure any attempts to speak with him now would be extremely creepy (I would have to look him up on myspace and send him an email). I’m so tired of thinking about something I can’t change. It is what it is, right?? There’s nothing I can do. W.W.L.D… to help her move on??
Most sincerely,
E
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Dear “E,”
Today is your lucky day, as your question is eerily compatible to advice contained within the latest issue of the WWLD Guide: How to Get Over a Regrettable Myspace Obsession (any real or imagined similarity is, of as always, purely non-coincidental). In this guide, Yours Truly answers the Question of the Day in this manner:
if i don’t remember this guy, neither should you.
in short, it’s myspace. and you’re not feeling guilty, you’re feeling regret. like he’s the one that got away. when in reality, let me point out again: it’s myspace. in the spirit of recovery, i’ve concocted a series of “Get Over It Now” strategies, some of which, although drastic, just might work for you. the very next time you think about this non-issue, let me urge you to try one of the following:
a. delete your myspace account. facebook has rendered it virutally pointless, anyway.
b. slap yourself on both cheeks with a nearby object (preferrably a ladies’ afternoon driving glove). then laugh because you just look silly.
c. say the following in a loud voice, no matter who is in the room with you: “it was just myspace. we were never really friends. it was never going to be anything more. it. was. JUST. myspace.” repeat until desired reaction achieved (you are red-faced and feel rather foolish).
d. look him up. cyber-stalk him. check out all his new pics (this tactic relies on the assumption you haven’t been keeping up to date on his page). realize, mid-click, “this dude isn’t actually in my life in any substantial way, but is actually a stranger. thus, my actions are creepy and border illegal in several states.” straightaway after realization, apply solutions a-c as listed above.
e. go out and find a real man. (caution: this strategy employs additional techniques not described in this helpful How-To manual. for complete details, please purchase WWLD Guide, “How to Go Out and Find a Real Man,” in stores now.)
at WWLD, we are always interested in how our solutions play out in the lives of real people in real time. so after experimenting with the above, please provide feedback on one of our partner sites, which shall be determined at a later date.
thanks for writing. now go take on the day.
L
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